


Fuck

by zombiestardust (orphan_account)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Basically, Cheating, Danger Days Era, It takes place around 2010/2011, Kinda, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, the many uses of the word Fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 23:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11172708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/zombiestardust
Summary: it's such an eloquent word.





	Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> there is implied cheating in this work, which i do not condone. this is me writing fiction, not fantasizing about things i wish were real.

Gerard never wants to, but every time, every fucking time, he does, because he knows, in his head, he's going to imagine it anyways; and that’s just as wrong, isn’t it?

 

Yes, Gerard is sleeping with Frank, but Frank is fucking Gerard, in every way. He fucks with his head, with his fears, with his life, with his temper. He fucks him over in a way, though he doesn’t mean to, and, well, yeah, he also _fucks_ him.

 

Gerard wants to stop. He senses, somehow, that maybe Frank wants the same, but they don’t really talk about it. They just fuck about it. It’s wrong, they have families, and they should stop, period. It should be that simple. And though Gerard knows Jamia, knows she wouldn’t mind, knows Frank and her were never too monogamous anyway, he has a hard time not noticing the guilt in Frank’s eyes, something that screams “I should have it together by now”.

 

And then there’s Lindsey. Lindsey is a different story.

 

Maybe it’s because she showed up later than Jamia to the picture, maybe it’s because, ironically, she’s the sanest person Gerard knows. The point is, she wouldn’t be okay with it (and she’d be in her right). Gerard knows this, and he loves her, and that should be enough to make him stop. He almost thought he would be able to, back in ’09, but his instincts always drag him back to the studio, and they always drag him back to Frank. Always.

 

He is home, he’s New Jersey, but he is also danger and uncertainty, the feeling of falling down, of being on the edge constantly, to Gerard he’s _l’appel du vide_. Frank is the kid he wishes he would’ve been, the fears he wishes he didn’t have, and Gerard has been trying to stay clean, but he has an addictive personality. That’s one thing they have in common. He’s addicted to the adrenaline the fear of being with Frank gives him. And no, it’s not about the fear of getting caught, it’s about the fear of showing himself to someone Gerard feels would truly understand him. The thing is they’re very Aries and Scorpio, steady earth and flexible water but both Mars-ruled, two sides of the same coin. They clash but stick together; they always end up together, be it in a hotel room, a tour bus, a studio after-hours, or Gerard’s apartment in LA.

 

It’s always a battle for them in bed; even lazy morning stuff gets too intense, too soon. Gerard always thought of himself as flexible, but that’s really his own interpretation of his Arian nature. It’s not that he’s versatile: it’s that he wants it all. Giving, taking, submitting, dominating, not caring, caring too much. Frank keeps up well. He doesn’t bore him like everyone else does, and that makes Gerard feel so morally wrong but so, so right in other ways. He finds himself kissing Frank as soon as they are alone after a long day of promising himself he wouldn’t, clutching at Frank’s shirt like his life depends on it, giving up control of the kiss, thinking to himself _Fuck, what is it about him?_

 

Neither of them is good at sleeping, but Frank usually falls asleep first. Gerard is left up by himself, his own thoughts his only company. No one should be unable to sleep after three orgasms, yet here he is. Frank has changed so much over the years, he notices as he watches him sleep peacefully, worn out from their long night together. He used to be a skinny, hyper, little kid; he would get carded even at 22. Now he’s stout, and Gerard bets if someone who doesn’t know them was told Gerard is Frank’s elder, they wouldn’t believe it. Gerard knows that kid still lives inside of Frank, he sees him all the time. He’s a bit calmer now, wiser, and more flexible, but still headstrong and scary passionate.

 

Gerard wonders whether he’s changed a lot too. He doesn’t feel like he has, on the inside. He still feels about Frank like he felt back then: quite envious, yet adoring. Overly amazed. Gerard wonders if Frank loves him, not just as a friend, but as whatever they’re playing at. He wonders if it would’ve worked out for the two of them, in a different universe. He doesn’t wonder too long, though, because he fears the answer might be yes.

**Author's Note:**

> this is not my language and i don't know how to grammar soz. kudos & feedback very much appreciated ♡


End file.
